After driving my daughters to school, I headed to work and parked my car. As I arrived, I realized something unexpected had happened. I had missed multiple messages from my colleagues about discussions for the upcoming meeting. I was flabbergasted—I hadn’t heard my phone go off. There were unanswered texts and calls. I thought my phone must be broken.
When it happened again later that week, I was really confused. I did some digging and found that my phone’s operating system had upgraded with features I hadn’t expected because I hadn’t paid attention. I learned that Apple had rolled out their “Do Not Disturb While Driving” feature. My initial reaction, I’m sorry to admit, was not one of praise for their responsible use of technology to prevent distracted driving. Instead, I was truly annoyed that my phone was preventing me from being available. When I shared my realization, my co-workers had similar responses.
Looking back, this was probably the time when I was on my way to burnout. I hadn’t yet learned to prioritize my wellness. I hadn’t figured out self-care. I definitely hadn’t learned how to delegate or ask for assistance. I thought I had to do it all myself. All of this meant that I just didn’t understand boundaries. I had many signs indicating that boundaries were needed: feeling constantly overwhelmed and stressed, an inability to say no, frequently taking work home, and feeling unappreciated.
At the time, boundaries felt like a four-letter word. It went against the grain of my understanding of the profession of medicine and being a female leader. I thought it was important to be available at all times. I was wrong. One thing that has helped me is shifting the language in my head. Instead of thinking of holding firm to my boundaries, I like the idea of honoring my priorities. When I honor my priorities, it allows me to say no or not now to things that may interfere with my priorities (aka cross my boundaries).
Why are boundaries important? When we honor our priorities and boundaries, it helps prevent burnout, enhances career satisfaction, and improves patient care. It prevents the unhelpful multitasking and distracted work that ends up being less effective. With healthy boundaries, individuals often experience increased energy and focus, improved work-life balance, better relationships with colleagues and patients, and enhanced personal and professional growth.
It can be hard to start setting boundaries, but there are some practical strategies:
Assess Where Boundaries Are Needed: Identify areas where you feel most overwhelmed.
Communicate Clearly: Set expectations and limits with yourself and those around you.
Learn to Say No: Practice saying no in a respectful yet firm manner. Remind yourself that this is important for self-care.
Set Time Limits: Establish clear working hours, regular breaks, and time off.
Delegate Tasks: Recognize when to delegate tasks and share the workload appropriately.
Self-Care Practices: Use the time you’ve carved out to practice self-care.
When you start enforcing boundaries, you will initially face pushback. It may be unexpected for others when you suddenly stop agreeing to everything. When this happens, make sure you are saying no with respect, though being firm, and remind yourself why it is important. Let go of the guilt you will initially feel—you will likely find that you show up better both at home and at work when you set boundaries. Finally, be consistent. Others will respect your boundaries more often when they are consistent.
Although I was originally annoyed by that feature on my phone, I now use the Do Not Disturb function to prioritize my sleep, give me time to focus on difficult tasks, and spend time with my family!
Like other things that are important for your joy and balance, setting and maintaining boundaries takes practice and persistence but can ultimately transform your life. What boundary or priority do you need to honor to increase your joy?
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