"Just Let It Go": Why That Phrase Hits Physicians So Hard — and How to Actually Do It
- Santina Wheat
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
If you’ve worked in healthcare long enough, you’ve heard it:
“Just let it go.”
After a mistake.
After a conflict.
After a decision you didn’t agree with.
After something unfair, unkind, or unsafe.
It’s meant to comfort.
But for many physicians, it does the opposite.
When ‘letting it go’ feels impossible
For years, every time someone told me “let it go,” I felt my face heat up.
Not because I was angry at them —
but because I was suddenly angry at myself.
I thought:
“I must be doing something wrong if I can’t let this go.”
“Why does this bother me so much?”
“Other people seem fine. Why can’t I be?”
And underneath all of that sat one quiet, painful truth:
I didn’t know how to let things go.
I knew how to control the controllable.
I knew how to triple-check orders.
I knew how to anticipate the worst.
I knew how to survive training by paying attention to every detail, every outcome, every variable.
But I didn’t know how to step back internally —
how to build the boundaries that make “letting go” possible instead of terrifying.
The world rewarded me for perfectionism.
Healthcare trained me to treat vigilance as oxygen.
So when someone casually said,
“Just let it go,”
my nervous system heard:
“Stop doing the very thing that kept you safe.”
No wonder it felt impossible.
You’re not weak. You’re trained.
The issue isn’t willpower.
It’s not emotional immaturity.
It’s not that you “care too much.”
It’s that healthcare taught us to hold on to everything —
and never taught us what to do with the things we hold.
We learned that:
• A missed detail could harm someone.
• A misstep could be catastrophic.
• A lapser in vigilance could ruin a career.
• And being the one who notices everything is part of being “good.”
So when we carry mistakes, frustrations, conflicts, or injustices…
it’s not because we’re dramatic or sensitive.
It’s because our wiring was shaped by a culture that never modeled healthy release.
Why this matters: holding everything eventually breaks you
Healthcare doesn’t give you endless capacity.
If you don’t learn how to let go of the things you can’t or shouldn’t carry…
You end up:
• Overthinking every decision
• Internalizing every conflict
• Ruminating over every criticism
• Feeling responsible for every outcome
• Exhausted by every day before it even starts
Holding everything is not sustainable.
It’s how good physicians burn out.
Letting go isn’t a personality trait.
It’s a skill.
And you can learn it.
So how do physicians actually learn to let things go?
Here are the steps I teach my clients:
1. Name what you’re carrying.
Physicians skip this step because we’re trained to “move on.”
But clarity is the first boundary.
“What exactly am I holding onto?”
A mistake? A comment? A tone? A decision I had no control over?
2. Ask: “Is this mine to fix?”
This is the moment boundaries begin.
If it’s not yours, it’s not yours.
3. Define your responsibility — and stop where it ends.
You can reflect.
You can repair.
You can improve.
But you cannot control others, outcomes, systems, or perceptions.
4. Choose a release mechanism.
Physicians often do better with structure:
• Write it down and shred it
• Say “I release this” out loud
• Debrief with a trusted colleague
• Move your body
• Set a next-step plan so your brain stops looping
Release isn’t passive.
It’s intentional.
5. Practice micro-letting-go moments daily.
The skill builds like a muscle.
Small releases make the big ones possible.
You deserve more than just being told to ‘let it go.’
You deserve to learn the skills that help you feel safe doing so —
without lowering your standards, your integrity, or your compassion.
And that starts with boundaries.
Ready to build the boundaries that make letting go possible?
Join my FREE 7-Day Boundary Challenge designed specifically for healthcare professionals.
You don’t have to hold everything anymore.
You just need the tools to let go without falling apart.
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