As a female physician, an academic leader, and a career and life coach, I’ve always believed in my ability to handle “just one more thing.” I’ve been a high-functioning, driven individual, thriving on achievement and success. Of course, I could take on that extra project. Of course, I could say “yes” to one more task. Sometimes, I even thought I needed to say yes—to prove that I was the best physician, the best employee, the best wife, and the best mom.
But over time, I realized this approach wasn’t sustainable. Worse, it wasn’t serving me, my family, or my purpose.
So often, I found myself taking on responsibilities that didn’t truly interest me, didn’t align with my goals, or, frankly, didn’t even need to be done by me. My relentless “yes” perpetuated a cycle of people-pleasing and overextension, leaving me physically and mentally drained.
The hardest but most liberating lesson I learned was this: just because I can do something doesn't mean I should.
Why Saying “Yes” Isn’t Always the Answer
For many of us in healthcare—especially women—there’s an unspoken expectation to do it all. We’re trained to be competent, capable, and compassionate, and we wear these qualities like a badge of honor. But unchecked, these traits can lead to burnout.
I began to notice a pattern. I was saying yes to tasks that:
Didn’t align with my purpose or values.
Could have been done better by someone else on my team who had more expertise—or who wanted the opportunity to grow.
Came at the expense of my own well-being, stealing time I needed for rest, recovery, or relationships.
In saying yes to everything, I was inadvertently saying no to myself.
The Power of Alignment
One of the biggest shifts in my life came when I clarified my mission and purpose. Without that clarity, it’s easy to get swept up in doing things just because you’re good at them—or because someone asked.
Now, before I commit to something, I ask myself:
Does this align with my purpose, mission, or job description?
Do I have the energy and capacity to do this well?
Is there someone else better suited for this task, and can I support them in taking it on?
For example, as a residency director, there are moments when delegating is not just an option but the right thing to do. Whether it's letting a resident lead a project or asking a colleague for support, delegating allows others to grow while freeing me to focus on what truly matters.
The Lesson From My Daughter
This lesson isn’t just about work. Recently, my daughter expressed that my husband and I should stay home more often. She felt one of us always needed to be with her and her sister. I paused, then explained to her, “Mom and Dad could stay home more often, but it’s important for us to spend time together as a couple. That helps us be better parents.”
Her response made me smile but also reflect. As much as I love my daughters, constantly prioritizing their desires over what’s best for my relationship with my husband—or my own well-being—isn’t sustainable. It’s a reminder that just because we can accommodate every request doesn’t mean we should.
How to Say No With Grace
Saying no isn’t easy, especially for high achievers who want to excel in every area. But learning to say no thoughtfully and intentionally is a skill worth practicing. Here are some ways to do it:
Redirect the Request:
“This isn’t the right fit for me, but I recommend [Name] who might be better suited.”
Defer With a Timeline:
“I can’t take this on right now, but I’d be happy to revisit it in the future.”
Be Honest:
“I don’t have the capacity to take this on at the moment.”
While these responses may feel uncomfortable at first, they’re rooted in respect—for yourself and for the person asking.
The Bigger Picture: Can Doesn't Mean Should
When you focus on what truly matters and let go of the rest, something incredible happens. You show up more authentically and energetically for the commitments you do choose.
By aligning your actions with your purpose, you’re not just protecting your own well-being—you’re also modeling healthy boundaries for others. Whether it’s your colleagues, your family, or your community, they benefit from seeing you live a life grounded in clarity and intention.
What Are You Holding Onto?
Take a moment to reflect: What things are you doing simply because you can, but don’t truly need to?
Learning to let go is a process, but it’s one that can transform your life and your work. It’s not about doing less—it’s about doing what matters most.
Ready to Prioritize Your Purpose?
If you’re ready to reclaim your balance and joy, let’s talk. As a coach, I help healthcare workers like you identify what truly matters and create a life aligned with your purpose.
Schedule a free call today to explore how coaching can support you in saying yes to yourself—and no to everything else.
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